More POV Practice - Lesson 4

Martha waits at a bus stop in a winter storm.

Open a document and write out a description of this scene in a couple of sentences as if you are Martha. Get as close as you can. You are totally inside Martha, feeling all the misery and discomfort she feels. You're writing from a close distance here. Read my example below after you've done your own.

The chill wind whips around the plexiglass barrier etched in gang signs, rattling it in its frame. Martha grips the edges of her thrift store black peacoat tighter around herself, trying to close of all the gaps where the cold can rush in with the wind. Her wavy brown hair is flying around her face corona of sable silk as she prays for the bus to hurry up to her stop. (Too distant according to example which was more stream of consciousness.)

Redo-I stomp my feet to get the circulation back in my hose-clad legs. Stupid job interview. Today of all days when the wind is whipping the cold rain all over the place and making my once styled hair a wind-blown mop of dark sable. Standing under the bus stop overhang is fruitless; the wind changes direction every second so that I get wet no matter where I stand.

Now back up a bit. Describe this scene as if you are Martha, but you're focusing more on what's outside, not inside. Include details that Martha might notice around her. This brings your readers in at a more moderate distance. Write the scene in a couple of sentences; then read the example below.

Martha looked down the street yet again, checking to see if the bus was any closer to arriving than a minute ago when she had checked. She and three other people huddled under the bus stop overhang, trying to keep dry despite the wind bringing in the rain from different angles. A woman to Martha’s left gripped her thrift store peacoat tighter around her and shuffled her soaked, hole-ridden sneakers.

Now place yourself farther away. You're looking down on the scene and considering it in the face of countless others you've witnessed. You're keeping your readers at a far distance from the action. Read my example below after you've done your own.

The four bodies clustered together under dull metal bus stop overhang. Rain sliced down while the wind howled around the thin plexiglass barrier. Everyone seemed determined to avoid the water especially one in a long navy raincoat. Her rich dark hair has started out as an updo and was now a bunch of tangles whipping around her face. Her dark pumps were little defense against the cold and rain as were the hose the she wore under the coat.