Lesson 7 - Rewording

Choosing Powerful Words
Using what you learned in Lesson 7, rewrite these sentences to make them powerful, vivid, and unique. You can do that by trying the following:

• Improve the verbs and make the nouns more specific.
• Show a character in action rather than naming feelings or telling us what we should think.
• Be specific with your details.
• Work on developing a clear mental picture of the scene and then copy what you see in your mind onto the page.

Rewrite these sentences:

1. There were so many winding curves as I drove in the blazingly bright orange sunlit glare of the everlasting road that I was utterly exhausted by the endless ordeal and thought I might faint if given half the chance. (What's wrong: Overdone adjectives and adverbs. Cliches. Sentence goes on too long.)
2. The leaves were red. (What's wrong: Too general. Hard to picture this. Very blah.)
3. That horrible tornado was like a raging bull charging a red cape so it could blast everything we owned to smithereens once and for all. (What's wrong: Silly and mixed metaphor. Vague adjective. Cliches.)
4. John thought again how Martha was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and he knew he would love her forever. (What's wrong: Powerful thought but weak delivery. Telling instead of showing. Dull verbs. No picture evoked.)

MY VERSIONS OF THE ABOVE SENTENCES

1. The winding road curved again into the bright glare of the sun as exhaustion swept over my body leaving me limp in my seat.
2. The broad branches of the maple tree fanned out with ruby, garnet and amber bejeweled leaves.
3. The tornado raged like a child throwing a tantrum, wind pounded over the house, rattled the windows in their frames and threw sticks, patio furniture and lawn ornaments at the walls. 
4. John found the sting of tears burning behind his eyes when he saw Martha and was transported back to the day he first saw her on that park bench and his heart had instantly melted all over again.